The Quest for the Heavenly Dumpling
by mesmerizedbyceruleaneyes
Summary: Parody of Arthurian Quest for the Holy Grail. King Atobe has decided to send all the seven knights of the Castle Hyotei in search of the Heavenly Dumpling that he tasted during his dream - a dumpling that belonged to Qu Yuan, who slapped him for stealing.
1. Chapter 1

The Quest for the Heavenly Dumpling The Quest for the Heavenly DumplingChapter 1: In Which the Heavenly Dumpling Appears

Once upon a time, in a faraway land, there was a castle called Hyotei. Don't ask. Just don't.

In this castle, there lived a king, whose name was Atobe Keigo. He had only a measly seven knights, but then again, there were no castles (that we know of) with more than seven knights. In fact, Hyotei was considered a rather big establishment.

There was Sir Oshitari Yuushi, who was King Atobe's right-hand man. He was a sadistic genius whose particular talent was calculated jousting. Of course, Sir Yuushi's fencing was among the best, too.

There was Sir Mukahi Gakuto, who, with Sir Shishido Ryou, provided comic relief even though they didn't usually intend to. Sir Gakuto was not a jouster, since his unnaturally small body weight was easily knocked out of the saddle. He stuck to fencing, because this very same disability was a result of extreme flexibility.

There was, as aforementioned, Sir Shishido Ryou, whose squire Ootori Choutarou had recently been admitted to King Atobe's Order of Knights. The two were very close, and stuck together even though it was no longer required of them. Sir Ryou's specialty was speed, which meant that, like Sir Gakuto, his forte was in fencing. This resulted in many disagreements between them as each tried to prove that he was better than the other.

The newly knighted Sir Ootori Choutarou was, as previously said, particularly close to Sir Ryou. Almost as if to make up for his old knight-master, he specialized in jousting. Sir Gakuto once joked that they should be tied together to make one fully-skilled knight. Sir Shishido had pounded the redhead when that comment reached his ears. Sir Choutarou didn't understand why he minded so much about it.

There was also Sir Akutagawa Jirou, who was also nicknamed the 'Sleeping Beauty' by his comrades. He was almost invariably found asleep somewhere in the castle; he was even able to sleep in full armor on the cold stone floor. It was a talent that the others both feared and respected. However, when Sir Jirou actually woke up, his talents in both jousting and fencing were remarkable. The key, though, was that this only happened when he was awake, because when he was awake, he was hyper. One could almost call him bipolar.

The last of the knights was Sir Hiyoshi Wakashi, also recently admitted to the Order along with Sir Choutarou. The different between the two was phenomenal, though. While Sir Choutarou was content to stay in the background, still almost like a squire, Sir Wakashi wanted to overthrow King Atobe and take his place as King Hiyoshi. His trademark phrase was 'Gekokujyou', which meant 'to beat the ones above you and take their place'. That it was his trademark phrase in itself spoke volumes about him. Since he'd grown up in a hand-to-hand fighting gymnasium, he'd managed to incorporate some of the things he learned then into his fencing and jousting.

And presiding over them all was the one and only King Atobe Keigo. He was outrageously egoistical and narcissistic; how he'd managed to procure himself a wife was a subject of much speculation. Most people attributed it to his undeniable skills in both jousting and fencing. Sadly, his favorite line, 'Be awed by my prowess', made him rather irritating, even if one didn't count his own personality problems.

The last person of any notice within the Castle Hyotei was Queen Echizen Ryoma. Everyone agreed that she was a beauty, despite the fact that she was a spoiled brat and was able to fence and joust with the best of them. It was really rather a slap in the face when the knights battled and lost to a female, with no comfort and the damned "Mada mada dane' that she always threw in their faces after they lay pounded into the dust. The unfortunate knights watched their tongues around Queen Ryoma, careful never to say anything to insult her.

--

One summer's day, at breakfast, King Atobe rose to speak. He started his speech with the usual 'Ore-sama no bigi ni yoi na', which everyone else ignored because they were just so used to hearing it.

King Atobe frowned when he saw everybody, including his wife, ignoring him. "Ore-sama demands that everyone listen to him."

Once everybody – excluding Sir Jirou who was fast asleep – had sullenly turned to him, the silver-haired king announced, "Ore-sama had an interesting dream last night." He looked around expectantly. When nobody said anything, he said crossly, "Do you not want to hear about it, arn?"

"Since you obviously won't shut up until you tell us all about it, I suppose we'll have to hear you out," muttered Sir Ryou.

Taking that as an invitation to share, King Atobe went on to elaborate about his wonderful dream. "Ore-sama dreamed that he was eating this delicious dumpling stuffed with the most delectable pork he has eaten since… since… well, Ore-sama had never eaten such wonderful meat, ever. After Ore-sama had finished eating it, a man came up to him and said, "That was my dumpling that you ate." Then he slapped Ore-sama!"

Sir Gakuto, who had been spacing out, snapped back to the present. "Ah. You must've offended him real bad."

"Well, Ore-sama was gracious –" here almost everyone was attacked by a sudden fit of coughing "– gracious enough to forgive him, for he was obviously a peasant." King Atobe sniffed. "No knight would have been seen dead in such an outfit! It was at least a century out of style!"

"Did he happen to state his name?" inquired Sir Choutarou, out of politeness.

The king thought for a moment. "He said his name was Qu Yuan."

Sir Yuushi perked up, suddenly looking interested. "I believe I've heard that name before. Did he happen to be a poet?"

"As it is, yes, he did mention that. Apparently people gave him dumplings because they loved his poems, or at least that's what Ore-sama thinks he meant. He had a very strange accent," explained King Atobe. "It was difficult to understand what he was saying."

"No, the people didn't give him dumplings because they loved his poems," interrupted Sir Yuushi. "He committed suicide in a river, and the people didn't want the fish to eat his body because then his soul wouldn't be able to find peace. They threw meat dumplings into the water so that the fish would eat those instead and not Qu Yuan's body."

The king of Hyotei was outraged. "Ore-sama was fed _fish food_?!"

"In a sense, yes," confirmed the blunette.

King Atobe thought for a moment before he flicked his hand dismissively. "No matter. Ore-sama wants more of those dumplings. That fellow – Qu Yuan – said that if one could be found, then there would be an endless supply."

"Ah," said Sir Ryou eloquently.

"And thus," continued the king, as though he'd never been interrupted, "Ore-sama shall send all of you knights on a quest for them! This quest shall be called… the Quest for the Heavenly Dumpling! The first one to bring one back shall receive his weight in gold, straight from Ore-sama's treasure chest!"

There was a short silence. Then Queen Ryoma spoke. "If you do that, I will personally castrate you," she informed her husband tartly.

"Besides, it's not like _I_ weigh very much. I'd get less than the others would for the same amount of effort!" complained Sir Gakuto. The others just stared at their king as though they thought he'd lost his mind. They probably _did_ think that he'd lost his mind. Or rather, that he'd never _had_ a mind to lose in the first place.

King Atobe's eyebrow twitched. "Ore-sama does not care for your excuses. This quest is compulsory. Pack your things after breakfast. Anyone still on my grounds at noon will get booted out. Now hurry up and eat.

--

**A/N: Just a weird plot bunny that arrived in the middle of Chinese class… because we were doing this chapter about the Duan1 Wu3 Jie2 (I **_**think**_** it's called the Dragon Boat Festival in English; not sure though… yeah, I know I'm totally mada mada dane) which involved the making of stuffed dumplings, or **_**ba zhang**_** (did I spell it correctly? My pronunciation is terrible) as we call them in Hokkien here in Singapore.**

**As you can see, it's sort of Hyoteicentric (I'll try to include other schools later; definitely Rikkai and Seigaku will appear, possibly Shitenhouji)… and it's also my first attempt at a multichapter in 3****rd****-person POV and without Romance as the genre. I hope it turns out okay… **

**I'm uploading only this first chapter before my two-week hiatus (because of midyears… T.T) to see what people think of it. I need to know whether I ought to just trash it. It's so super random that I can't believe it myself. O.o**

**PS. To those who read my previous multichapters, it seems likely that this one might have shorter chapters. I certainly hope not…**

**PLEASE REVIEW!! Constructive criticism is appreciated (as is praise, of course XD) and flames shall be ignored. Unless I get so many that I might decide to take this down. Sighz.**


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2: In which Everyone is Very Excited for No ReasonChapter 2: In which Everyone is Very Excited for No Reason

"So, we've been kicked out in search of a _dumpling_," concluded Sir Ryou, summing up their state of affairs.

The others nodded, grunted or completely ignored him, according to their respective natures. They were presently riding their horses through the City Tokyo, since it had seemed like the better option out of either 1: Going through the city towards Castle Seigaku, which guarded the poorer suburbs on the other side of City Tokyo; or 2: Going in the opposite direction through the richer suburbs Castle Hyotei watched towards Castle Fudomine, which was the second guard for the richer suburbs. As everyone knows, the rich like to be as safe as possible.

"Are we all going to Castle Seigaku to wait until Atobe decides that he'd like our wonderful company back again?" inquired Sir Gakuto after a short silence.

Sir Choutarou looked puzzled. "Don't you _want_ to go questing?"

"No," the redhead informed him. "It is an absolute waste of time. _You_ can go quest; _I_'m going to laze around. It's just not worth the effort."

Sir Ryou glared at the smaller boy. "Don't talk to Choutarou like that. He's never gone questing before."

"I wonder why not…" muttered Sir Wakashi under his breath.

"Shut it," snapped Sir Ryou. "Can I help it if nothing worth questing appeared while he was my squire?!"

Sir Wakashi muttered something unintelligible, though the others did manage to catch the occasional 'gekokujyou' here and there, and relieved his feelings by kicking out at an unfortunate pedestrian, who immediately bowed low and apologized profusely for having done something to offend a Hyotei Knight.

'It wasn't his fault, Wakashi," rebuked Sir Yuushi, resurfacing from the unreasonably thick book he had propped up on his horse's neck and reading the whole time. The younger knight shot him a dark look before lapsing into a grumpy silence.

The blunette, about to vanish into his book again, was stopped by Sir Gakuto. "Na, Yuushi, you want to do this like the last time Atobe booted us out to go questing?"

"That's fine with me," replied his best friend. "I quite enjoyed it, and Atobe actually believed we _had_ been questing."

"Eh? What did you do?" asked Sir Choutarou, curious.

The pair of knights grinned. "We," began Sir Gakuto, "had a social round of all the castles in the area."

Sir Yuushi nodded. "Seigaku, Fudomine, Rikkai, Rokkaku… we did miss out a few, but it was fun. Oh, we visited Shitenhouji too."

"You cousin, right? Oshitari Ka – Ku –" Sir Gakuto frowned, trying to recall the name.

"Kenya," the blunette supplied. "I haven't seen him since that time; perhaps we should go and visit.

Sir Choutarou, who had been listening with a rather dazed look on his face, finally found his tongue. "You used the time you should have been _questing_ to make _social visits_?!"

"Yeah, well, your beloved Ryou did too," defended the redhead. "He wasn't particularly enthusiastic, but he still did."

The subject of their conversation had the decency to look slightly embarrassed. "There wasn't much else to do, see," he explained to his former squire.

"Besides," continued Sir Gakuto, getting into his stride, "we're just looking for a _dumpling_. Maybe one of the castles has a damn good cook whose specialty is dumplings, and we can just get whoever it is to give us some to bring back to Atobe."

"B-but that's lying!" cried the silver-haired boy. "I –"

"Just let it go, Choutarou," grunted Sir Ryou. "Gakuto and Yuushi are going to do whatever they want; you're not going to be able to stop them."

"Thank you, Ryou," said Sir Yuushi absently. "We ought to hurry. The midday rest period's almost over."

The bulk of the population of City Tokyo took a break from one to three in the afternoon during summer, because that was when the heat was the strongest. Nobody with sense ventured out during the midday rest period unless they were truly desperate, or, like the Hyotei Knights, had been kicked out. As a result, it was during this period that the streets were the quietest and the emptiest – City Tokyo was alive all through the night as well as the day, and it was only at this time that the city rested.

Sir Yuushi was right; they had been riding for almost four hours in the sweltering heat (all of them had been sensible enough to leave their armor on their packhorses instead of wearing them; they'd have cooked like lobsters if they'd done otherwise) now, and even as they made their way down the main thoroughfare through City Tokyo, windows that had previously been shuttered were now being thrown open while blind shops were coming alive. The silence was broken by the echoes of vendors' voices hawking their wares somewhere further away and the screams of children on their way back to school.

People were soon flooding the streets, though all made way for the six Hyotei Knights and their horses. Sir Gakuto grinned. "Being a knight does have its perks," he observed out of the side of his mouth.

"Took you long enough to realize," replied Sir Yuushi, also quietly. Raising his voice over the newfound babble of the crowds, he announced, "We should be able to reach Castle Seigaku by nightfall."

--

The men-at-arms at the gate of Castle Seigaku let them in as soon as Sir Syuichirou, official second-in-command of the castle, confirmed that they were indeed Hyotei Knights and not dangerous vagrants. He quickly led them to the dining hall while other men-at-arms took the horses to the stables; the visitors were just in time for the night meal.

"Damn," muttered Sir Gakuto, apparently spotting somebody. "It's _him_."

Sir Yuushi looked around. "Oh, you mean Sir Eiji?"

"Yeah, _him_. He dares to call himself flexible! I mean, he can't even do a side-split!" complained his best friend. "He's a disgrace!"

"Quiet, Gakuto," the blunette hushed him. "Don't insult them too much, or we won't get extra supplies when we leave."

The Seigaku Knights were raring to bombard those from Hyotei with questions. Once dinner began, their queen, Fuji Syuusuke, was the first to start things off. She leaned her elbows on the table. "So what brings you here, Knights of Hyotei? Did Atobe-sama kick you out on a quest again?"

"Syuusuke," admonished King Tezuka sternly.

The gorgeous queen smiled beatifically (she was, in fact, the _un_official second-in-command of the castle). "Yes, Tezuka?"

"Don't insult our guests," he said, apparently unaffected.

"We _were_ kicked out," interjected Sir Yuushi. "Atobe wants us to quest for a _dumping_."

All the Seigaku Knights – Sir Syuichirou, Sir Eiji, Sir Sadaharu, Sir Ta_ka_shi, Sir Ta_ke_shi and Sir Kaoru – were surprised. They showed their surprise in the following ways: Sirs Syuichirou, Eiji, Ta_ka_shi and Ta_ke_shi gasped while Sir Kaoru hissed, all of them wide-eyed, and Sir Sadaharu adjusted his spectacles. Nobody knew whether his eyes had widened too, his spectacles being _opaque_ after all.

"That is illogical," stated the data man, sounding slightly rattled. "King Atobe Keigo would never send his Hyotei Knights questing for a – a _dumpling_."

"Well, he did," Sir Ryou informed him. "We couldn't believe it either."

Just then, Sir Jirou, who had slept through the whole journey draped over his horse, woke up. The reason was obvious – Sir Eiji, in his excitement and surprise, had tipped his fruit punch (with extra sugar, thank you very much) over in the Hyotei Knight's direction. It just so happened that Sir Jirou's mouth had been open – well, he'd been snoring – and the juice had gotten in. Sugar plus a Sir-Jirou-who-had-been-sleeping-for-more-than-six-hours equaled to a Sir-Jirou-who-was-extremely-hyper-and-awake.

"Who-what-when-where-why-how?!" he demanded, finding himself in unfamiliar surroundings. "_Eh_?! Fuji Syuusuke!!"

"You know her?!" exclaimed Sir Gakuto.

The narcoleptic was bouncing around in high delight. High in every sense of the word. "'Course I do! Ne-ne-ne, Fuji Syuusuke, fight against me again!!"

Sir Choutarou, for the second time that day, was quite dazed. "J-Jirou-san, Queen Syuusuke's a-a _girl_ –"

Sir Ryou clapped a hand over the younger boy's mouth. "Hush. Queen Syuusuke's as good as – no, maybe even better than – our Queen Ryoma. She can beat the crap out of most of us without breaking a sweat."

"B-but how did Jirou-san meet her?" asked Sir Choutarou, utterly perplexed.

"I don't know either," replied his former knight-master. "Ask them later, why don't you?"

"Fujiko-chan, how did you know this guy?!" demanded Sir Eiji. Sir Kaoru hissed inquiringly.

"Shut up, you feeble excuse for a –!" Sir Gakuto tried to shout, for lack of anything better to say. Sir Yuushi silenced him before he could finish his sentence.

Sir Sadaharu was flipping furiously through an army-green notebook. "I don't seem to have any data on a meeting between them."

"Queen Syuusuke, you fought against him?!" exclaimed Sir Ta_ke_shi. "Why didn't you tell us?!"

Sir Ta_ka_shi looked worried. "Eto – Takeshi, you shouldn't be so –"

"Fuji Syuusuke!! Fight against me!!" cried Sir Jirou, still unrelenting.

In the midst of the chaos, King Tezuka and Sir Wakashi sighed deeply. If one listened closely, they might have heard a low "Don't let your guard down" and an occasional "Gekokujyou".

--

**A/N: Wheee!! I've updated all my multichapters in one weekend!! –celebratory Indian war-dance– **

**This chappie was **_**so**_** fun to write XD And what's more, it's longer than I thought I could get it to be!!**

…**Ugh. Now that I read it again, I realize I was rambling. A **_**lot**_**. Ah wells. You people need background info too. :-X**

**To clarify, we shall just say that Fudomine is on the outskirts of the rich suburbs, while Hyotei's in the middle of it. Seigaku is in the middle of the poorer suburbs. **_**Poorer**_**, not **_**poor**_**. The knights went through the rich suburbs, down the main thoroughfare of the city (Tokyo) and into the poorer suburbs to Seigaku, and this journey took a little more than six hours.**

… **maybe I ought to do clarifications for the subsequent chapters too.**

**By the way: As I said, the other schools are appearing. Sticking with just plain Hyotei is fun, but not **_**as**_** fun. And also, I think I mentioned that I'd be doing a few genderswaps along the way. Don't be shocked. XD**

**REVIEW PLEASE!!**


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